These past weeks have been quite challenging and most days
have left me too exhausted to update my blog. I’ve been testing my
psychological limits in every way imaginable by facing past traumas I didn’t
realize were haunting me. My mind has become completely exhausted.
I asked a friend about their experience during war and
whether they suffer from the same symptoms. Their response was no, and their
feedback was that I shouldn’t let PTSD define who I am. Slightly taken back by
this response, I decided to really examine my motivations and whether I am in
fact letting the diagnosis define who I am. I don’t believe I am.
People tend to avoid things that cause them pain. Without
realizing it, this avoidance only deepens the agony. Adopting an avoidant life
allows more avoidance and sooner or later the avoidance defines who you are. Afraid
to face pain because the immediate avoidant relief is easier to handle, will
continue to haunt your soul until it is dealt with. The longer you avoid dealing, the more you’ll
suffer. People can’t find happiness or
move on with their life if a part of their soul is locked away or ignored. If a
part of you is locked away, who are you, really?
I’ve learned that once you deal with your pain you’ll be
able to move past it and have a stronger sense of self than those who elect not
to overcome such adversity. Dealing with your pain increases your
self-confidence and decreases your emotional sensitivity, which expands and
enriches your life. Thus, I don’t feel I’m letting my diagnoses define me, I’m
overcoming the avoidant part of who I am. In doing so I’m climbing the steepest mountain
of my life and am proud that I’m not letting PTSD or “baggage” keep parts of me
hidden, because these parts deserve to thrive.
Love and Happiness,
Jamie
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